I’m in deep shit over my relationship. I’m a 35-year-old woman and met a
hardworking 43-year-old man. We’ve been dating for five months now and
still haven’t slept together.
My problem is that in the beginning of our relationship, he asked me how
many men I’ve slept with and worried about how he would react, I lied
and told him I’d slept with seven men. But after a few months, I could
not live with the lie and finally decided to tell him the reason why I
still haven’t slept with him yet.
I told him I didn’t want to make love with him because I was scared that
he’d lose respect and eventually leave me just like all the other men I
have slept with in the past. At this point he asked me again, just how
many men can you remember that you have slept with, to which I replied
43.
His reply was, “Hmm, one man for each of my birthday"...
And from that
day on, I never heard from him again. I don’t get it, why is it that
when men sleep around it is ok, yet when women sleep around, they’re
sluts? Why can’t women have their fun too?
- Bubu from Abuja
Below is the response she got from Mrs Julie Coker:
Dear Bubu,
I’ve spoken with quite a number of women asking the same question. I
don’t want to pass judgment on women, nor am I saying that women
shouldn’t enjoy themselves s*xually. But men and women are never the
same. You expressed fear about losing respect.
As soon as you start sharing that object with anyone and without care,
the object starts to lose value. The more people use the object, the
more it depreciates and the less bargaining power it has: this is a
plain psychological fact of life.
Most women don’t realize the importance men place on a woman’s
promiscuity. Women think that because men don’t care about how many
women they’ve slept with, they won’t care about how many men their woman
has slept with. But the reality is that most men, those looking for a
serious relationship and not a one-night stand do place great value on a
woman’s s*xual restraint.
There was a time when many women cherished their bodies much like a
sacred temple where only a noble man, one who respected and loved her,
had access to her body.
But over time, it seems that women have failed to realize the important
role their s*xuality plays in finding a long-term mate. Unfortunately,
because of the women’s movement, women are so busy trying to compete
with men, including in the s*x department, that they fail to realize the
consequences.
Today, it seems women are the ones who are collecting notches on their
Prada belts by giving their bodies away easily. But if women themselves
don’t value their bodies like they used to, why should men?
Some women will argue that if men have the right to sleep around, so
should women. But I ask only one question: If women adamantly believe
this, then why is it that when faced with the question of how many men
have they slept with, most women who have slept around with truckloads
of men always lie?
Any woman who is competing with men is fooling herself. That is the simple truth!
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