Better single and slaying than married and miserable.
I’ll be the first to categorically state that
weddings are beautiful and marriages can be sweet.
Having documented so many weddings and having seen the intensity
of the joy on couples’ faces at ceremonies, this much can not be denied.
To beautify a wedding is easy. All you need do is pay a good event
planner and that’s settled.
To have a beautiful marriage is however a different thing
entirely, and you definitely can’t pay anyone to sweeten your marital union.
No matter how long you have been in a relationship with someone,
once the seal of marriage is stamped on that relationship, something changes.
For people who had lovely relationships before their marriages, it
might be subtle and they might seamlessly blend into it but that change is
undeniable.
The threshold of commitment, faithfulness, honesty, effort and all
other traits you used to keep the relationship going will become higher.
The margin for error becomes lower. Of course, no one expects
perfection, but the need to strive for something close to it becomes ever-so
obvious, almost palpable.
And it would appear that a lot of people are yet to understand
this. Or maybe they do know and are just not ready for it.
Read also
WHY CELIBACY BEFORE MARRIAGE IS A GREAT IDEA by clicking here or copy and paste https://nigeriantopsecret.blogspot.com.ng/2018/04/why-celibacy-before-marriage-is-great.html
The rate of divorce attests to this. Marriages crash every other
day.
Of the marriages yet to officially crash, a glum-inducing number
have failed and are only being held together by
frazzled reasons such as the presence of children and to keep up appearances.
The Nigerian society is one that places premium on marital status
so much so that at time of writing this piece, I am 75% sure that a mother is
calling her son to ask why he’s yet to come introduce his wife-to-be to her.
A father is sat on a rocking chair, complaining to his friend that
his 24-year old graduate daughter is just pursuing her career, making money but
not giving any consideration to men and marriage.
Friends are no different. Once a number of people in a circle walk
down the aisle, they put others under pressure to do the same.
Though they often do this with the best intentions and while some
would almost shame you into marrying, others do it subtly and even
unintentionally.
People have also been known to place personal pressures on
themselves to get married.
And then there’s social media, age factor, and family members
[read busybody aunts and uncles] who can’t go a week without reminding you that
your biological clock is ticking like the timer on a bomb.
What all these pressure groups [isn’t that what they are?] fail to
realise is that there is a different time for everybody and what applies to one
does not necessarily apply to all.
To get married, have babies, do PDA for the gram and other cute
stuff is what almost everyone desires but not everyone is ready yet.
And to jump into it without adequate financial, mental, emotional
stability is to dig a pit for yourself which will actually widen and worsen
till it swallows you whole.
Not your aunt, dad, uncle, mum, sister or those friends pressuring
you to marry. Just you.
Thinking about marriage when you’re not even self-sufficient is a
catastrophic state of mind.
So is planning to get married without having taken charge of your
emotions.
How wise and sensible are you with money? How about that temper?
What’s up with that uncouth mouth?
Do you know the level of importance to attach to your spouse and the one to attach to friends? Do you even
know about birth control? How about money-making ideas, do you have any?
Does your partner know or possess these traits? Because to have
most of them and get married to someone who does not might be just as
catastrophic.
It is not enough to love someone. Don’t be fooled. Love is never
enough.
There are really so many boxes to fill and check before one could
ever deem one’s self ready for a successful marriage, a lifetime of
togetherness.
And if you’re reading this and know deep down you are nowhere
close, why, then, are you rushing to get married?
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